Terms from the psychology of relationships that you need to know

Ghosting, gaslighting or love bombing are terms that are increasingly used in the language of the younger generations, but what do they really mean? Although they may seem to be recent concepts, most of them describe emotionally irresponsible behaviours that have always existed. These terms represent a new way of naming and highlighting toxic patterns in relationships that previously did not have a specific label. Others have appeared or become more serious with the advent of social media and dating apps. 

Dictionary of terms 

This new terminology reflects the profound changes that technology and feminism have brought about in the way couples relate to each other, generating greater awareness and a growing rejection of toxic behaviours that were previously overlooked or normalised. Often, underlying these behaviours are mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, personality disorders or narcissistic traits. Being aware of these emotionally irresponsible behaviours and understanding them is essential to avoid them and to foster healthier and more balanced relationships. Here is a brief glossary to help you understand some of the most important terms in the psychology of relationships: 

Ghosting

Ghosting is probably the best known among these terms and, although it is usually associated with romantic relationships, it can also be applied to other areas. Ghosting means that a person we were in contact with suddenly disappears without a trace, popularly known as smoke-bombing. This practice occurs most often in the early stages of a relationship and is especially prevalent on dating apps, where someone we had been chatting with stops responding to messages or calls without offering any explanation. This leaves a deep emptiness and feeling of unease for the person being ignored, as the cause of the sudden end of communication is unknown. 

Orbiting

A toxic dynamic similar to ghosting, but which occurs exclusively in online relationships. Although direct contact with the ex-partner is not resumed, the person orbiting interacts indirectly with their posts and stories. This way of staying in the periphery creates confusion and acts as a constant reminder of the other's presence, without offering real connection or emotional closure. An emotionally irresponsible way of keeping the other person in their orbit.

Gaslighting

A term widely used by Generation Z, although its origin dates back to the 1944 film “Gaslight”. Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation in which the other person is led to doubt their own thoughts, feelings or perceptions by making them believe that what they are experiencing is not real. This form of psychological abuse slowly erodes the victim's confidence, causing them to question their own reality. It is maintained through lies, denials and ongoing belittling, which will be persistent and cause deep emotional impact.

Love bombing

The term love bombing refers to an excessive display of affection at the beginning of a relationship. Although this outpouring of attention may seem genuine, its real purpose is to engage the other person in order to subsequently exert psychological control and abuse. Love bombing activates the brain's reward system, generating a sense of well-being that, when it wears off, leaves the victim longing to experience it again. This need creates an emotional dependency that leads the person to accept almost anything to regain lost attention. 

Hoovering

The term, from the British word for vacuum cleaning, refers to an ex-partner who reappears unexpectedly with the aim of manipulating you and rekindling the relationship. This tactic is generally linked to individuals with narcissistic traits and seeks to reassert their power and feel desired, using intermittent contact as a tool to maintain emotional control. 

Benching

Benching is the practice of keeping someone on hold once contact has been initiated, but without offering any real commitment. Benching does not offer commitment but rather keeps the other person as a plan B while exploring other romantic options.

Ultimately, being able to name the toxic patterns in relationships is essential to identify and reject them. Although social networks have enabled the growth of certain forms abuse and manipulation, they have also acted as a loudspeaker that has made it possible to highlight them, denounce them and bring about their social condemnation.